All a bit surreal

Well, it’s all a bit surreal, really, having my first article published on Stuff. Re-reading it, I’m overwhelmed by how rambly it is, and of course, Stuff’s a slightly different audience to NZGamer, in the nicest possible way.

Had a real late night last night, so I’m going to try not to do the same again. Was a bit headachey today.

Things are really coming along in the house - all the wallpaper in the hallway has been stripped, and we sanded the walls down tonight. Father Jack’s room (nickname for the spare bedroom that had horribly stained wallpaper and ceiling, and smelled stale and weird) is going to be next, then we’ll get the firebox ready for its new gas fireplace that’ll be coming down from Taupo at some stage. Busy times.

Aside from that, I’ve been typing up some notes, trying to transfer emails and other documents over from the old laptop, and listening to a spot of music: Beiruit’s The Flying Club Cup, Tokyo Police Club’s A Lesson In Crime, and the ever-faithful Ennio Morricone’s The Best Of. Every time I hear the theme song from Cinema Paradiso I feel a bit weepy. In a good way.

Anyway, time to knock back the tea and collect a sleepy boyfriend for bed. Night.

Photo 23.jpg

Sultans of Ping FC

Bad quality, but the best of the bunch.

the low down

Hey there. I’m sitting here at work, listening to Metric, Franz Ferdinand and Camera Obscura. I’ve had a morning of work, then an Italian A/V class, and then Old Icelandic. I’m at work till 6 and then I’m meeting a friend at the Aro Street Cafe at about 6:30. I was off work yesterday with the worst allergies I’ve had in a long time - I looked in the mirror at one point and the whites of my eyes were completely red. I just lay around at home (well…I lie, I went to a lecture), sleeping and doing Old Icelandic translation. Ate leftover Chicken Rendang for dinner. Played some Elder Scrolls III, which is a new purchase. A new time-waster. But it’s a good way to unwind from staring at text and flicking back and forth through a glossary all day.

Oh, and on Friday night we celebrated James’s birthday, down at the Brewery (of course). I had a few after work drinks, and then went home, had dinner, etc., then went back into town at around 9:30. Alan and James were fairly twisted by that stage - Lisa carted Alan off home shortly after that, and James lasted only until about midnight, when he started taking his clothes off and doing his Mick Jagger impersonation, after which John (one of the regulars) bundled him up into his car and drove him home. I stuck around talking with some people I had never met before - really the first time I’ve ever sat around in a bar after all my friends have gone home. It was actually quite nice. You just find yourself rattling on about nothing in particular, not really caring what the other person thinks. Kind of like writing an online diary — just just prattle for the sake of hearing your own voice. Terribly, terribly self-centred. At least you have a chance of scoring when you’re in a pub.

Egad. I’ve been thinking about that lately (scoring). Not in a particularly fixated way, but more as an abstract concept. I’m going out with Aart, right? Well, it’s such a strange thing, I really don’t feel ‘attached’, even though we are basically a couple. I feel quite single. I’ve hardly been out, scouring the pubs for a different lover every night, it’s just that I don’t feel attached in the sense that I feel…single. I realise I’m repeating myself. I don’t feel part of a relationship. We send each other emails and things but that’s really not a relationship. It’s just so weird. I don’t know if it is going to work out or not. I know that’s hardly positive thinking, considering he is yet to even place a toe over here, but at the same time it seems like a difficult thing to switch off and on again. It just seems so abstract, so theoretical. There’s no practice to the concept. We are ‘a couple’ in name only, really. It’s more than a little bizarre. Probably not a good idea thinking about it too much.

Things are quiet at work, too - the new person has started, who will be taking over my role. She’s trained to the point where she’s doing most of the work and I’m twiddling my thumbs. I will be taking over some other work for other people, but they’re either busy or not around. It’s quite strange.

Jeez, look at the time already - 4:15. Less than 2 more hours to go. My, but the day has flown. Actually starting to feel quite sleepy right now. Oh yes, I nearly forgot, I have a new strategy for coping with the upstairs neighbors. I don’t know if I’ve written about this but there is zero soundproofing between my flat and the one upstairs. I hear every creak and groan in the floor - it is highly annoying. Everything sounds so loud too, BANG - you know? Voices aren’t so bad, because they are usually so faint, and during the day I’m moving around and making noise of my own. But when you lie down to sleep, you really hear every little thing. It’s been making falling asleep quite difficult. Even with earplugs. Each sound just stands out in contrast to the silence that you tend to dwell on it anyway. And the more you try to ignore it, of course, the more you wind up listening out for the next one. So last night I put my stereo on its ’sleep function’, where it plays for an hour and then turns itself off, playing really quietly, but just loud enough to hear through the earplugs. It worked like a dream. Sure I didn’t fall asleep straight away - I wasn’t really relaxed enough, I kept thinking “is this going to work?”, but I think I slept better than I have in quite a while. It also means that I won’t feel so ill-disposed towards the neighbors.

Perhaps harping on about sleeping patterns isn’t an interesting writing topic, I don’t know; but missing out on sleep, being tired all the time and not able to catch up on it can completely affect your reality. You get cranky, ill, feel lethargic…so I guess it is a major ‘thing’ for me at the moment, getting enough sleep.

It’s nearly daylight savings soon, rather, the end of it. I think we go back an hour this weekend. The nights are getting longer. When I woke up this morning I couldn’t make out the face of my watch; I’m going to have to start using my cellphone in the mornings to figure out what time it is.

It looks like it’s going to rain. Heavy dark cloud outside, with strangely illuminated white buildings across the road.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Funny, I wasn’t planning on writing anything more today (not that I wrote a lot earlier), but hey, it’s a hazy grey day outside and it’s quarter past four here in the office.

The office. What a word. So loaded with meaning and connotation. So I sit at a desk, so what? It doesn’t make me any less interesting. Really, it doesn’t! (I’m not trying to convince myself, I’m not - I’m not!)

I’m going over to Jeremy’s after work. He’s making me dinner. Should be fun, though I will be stuck in my work clothes for the remainder of the day, which isn’t as relaxing as slobbing around in corduroys and my Hard Day’s Night T-shirt, listening to music and drinking beer and reading Haruki Murakami. But it will be fun at Jeremy’s. We’ll drink tea (and maybe wine!) and watch something mad he’s taped off the TV, and eventually wind up talking about art or writing. Jeremy’s this amazing artist who works as a Supervisor for conventions at a huge hotel here in Wellington. He likes his job, I’m not saying it’s not the right thing for him, it’s just that he could easily just paint full time, he’s that good.

Jeremy’s a fun guy, he’s good to slouch around with. I remember back before I left to go to Dublin, we once spent a good month or so, trying to get through Tomb Raider 2. Every weekend, we’d sit down with the walkthrough - only to resort to once frustration set in! - and try to get as far as we could. It was Jeremy who also organised trying to watch all the Twin Peaks episodes, that you can find at Aro Video (which is just around the corner from my new place). So, now I’ve qualified the night before I’ve even had it, hopefully it will be a good time.

Work wants to extend my contract. Actually, I think they want me to come on full-time. They’re pretty cool about me taking Italian and Old Norse at uni at the same time, so it’s a good deal. Still, I don’t like to think about a year in a chunk like that, to commit to something so far ahead into the future. The university thing scares me a little, too. I don’t know if I’m trying to find “answers” by doing some course, that really, I should be finding from sitting in my little house and writing all winter. I mean, that’s why I took this teeny tiny place by myself - so I could do all those solo things I’ve been wanting to do for so long. And no longer can I use the excuse “if only I lived on my own, I’d…”

But now I’m afraid that I’ll spend all my time worrying about my classes. I’ve estimated that they’ll take up all of two hours of study a day. Is that a lot? Is that too much when you’re working all day as well? I wish there was some way I could tell. There’s a cut off date - March 26 - where you can drop a paper and still get all your money back. I guess I’ll just have to try them both and see, and hopefully I’ll have a good idea of what the year will feel like by March 26. It’s a rather absurd thought, really, but what else can I do? I’ve already been in email contact with the two women running each of the courses, and I feel like I’ve made some kind of commitment to both of them. It feels mean at this stage not to enrol in either of their courses.

…a bad reason to take any class, I know! Still, I’ve decided I’m not going to make up my mind until mid-March. Should make for an interesting couple of weeks ahead.

Listening to Belle and Sebastian’s “If You’re Feeling Sinister”, which is slowly becoming my favorite of their albums. Well…tied with “Dear Catastrophe Waitress.” Did I mention another B&S t-shirt came in the mail for me today? (No that’s not me in the picture.)

“Dance Dance Dance”

Just bought this Haruki Murakami book. I figured it’s been long enough since I read one of his - time to get one. I had a good lunch break with James, who’s started his new job this week. We got in on the two-for-one deal at the Bull and Bear - so now I’m full, sitting here with the taste of hamburger and raw onions in my mouth. Yeugh is right!

Yesterday after work I went round to the old flat to help clean up before the landlord’s inspection. It was starting to get dark, though, and the power had been turned off. We did our best, but I’m starting to wonder if that was good enough. Just off the phone with Justine and she was just saying goodbye to the landlord. I asked her how it all went, and she said “not too good”, which doesn’t sound good at all now, does it? Hoo hah, I hope it’s nothing too serious.

.. just off the phone with them now - apparently the landlord’s being a jerk about little things like how the curtain isn’t hanging on all the hooks on the rod - how ridiculous! And there are things there in the flat, that we thought were part of the flat, which aren’t supposed to be in there.

Seriously, that flat is just becoming more and more annoying - the legacy lives on!

Must not worry about it though. I have better things to think about. Tonight, after work, I’m going to finally clean up everything, have a read, and sort out my cv and a cover letter for this job I’m going to apply for. Still, I hate things like this. They make me stressed. I’ve no real reason to worry - it’s mostly other people stressing that make me feel stressed. Grr.

Three new cds:

Radio Bemba Sound System - Manu Chao. Brilliant. Live album from their 2000 tour. I actually gave Aart the DVD for Christmas, and it’s fantastic. The energy of this band is something else. I listen to it at work and get carried away, to Spain, to Mexico, to Paris…anywhere but my desk. I’m really happy that these guys are as great live as they sound in the recording studio. Damn it, they sound better!

Living on the Edge - Stéphane Pompougnac. Least listened to so far, though there are a couple tracks here that have blown me away - in particular, “Living on the Edge”, “Loulou de Poméranie” and “Fast and Loud”. Lovely stuff.

Reveries - Paolo Conte. I didn’t know what to make of this one - it was a bit of an impulse buy. But the review of it at the record shop had me sold. Plus, who can say no to a raspy Italian voice? Not me. Paolo’s songs on this album are a perfect mix of what you would think of as being “reveries” - the rest are amazing ditties that you can dance to in your kitchen. My favorite is “Blue Tango”, with its eerie female voice that bursts in half way though. I can still hear it as I sit here at my desk.

If you can only pick two, get Paolo Conte and Manu Chao. They’re both totally original, totally together, and completely infectious.

And with that, I leave you!

friday five

(from www.fridayfive.org)

At this moment, what is your favorite…

1. …song? “Guns of Brixton” - The Clash

2. …food? Probably Roti Chanai at the moment. There are so many different Malaysian restaurants around Wellington at the moment, that it’s actually quite fun to compare them all. Damn nice!!

3. …tv show? Father Ted will always be a firm favorite. But that Queer Eye is just so damn good! I get excited like a child up late on New Year’s when that show comes on.

4. …scent? Easy - the smell of tomato leaves, or tomatoes as they’re growing on the vine.

5. …quote? “Either that wallpaper goes, or I do…” (Oscar Wilde, on his deathbed in a hotel room)

finally fixed my guestbook

Yes, as the title of this entry explains so economically, I have managed to get my guestbook to finally display properly. I think it may have had something to do with a broken link from one of the various porno messages left by some well-meaning individual. I think it’s all sorted out now. So that’s nice.

I have a terrible sinus headache today. Up in the general forehead area, as well as the soft fleshy palate area. If I press on it from time to time it feels better, and then worse. Also sneezing and runny nose. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I had a cold. It’s just bad allergies. I’ll be better tomorrow. Fucking allergies!!

I’ve been listening to Mr. Bungle’s “California” all day long. It really does take me back to those days in my little bedsit in Dublin. It’s like one of those movies you can just watch over and over again without getting sick of it. Dare I describe it as a classic? I always find myself giggling over something or other, whether it’s a lyric or strange instrument or some very odd vocal.

And now, because my headache is threatening to overwhelm me, I am resorting to an old set of Friday Five questions that struck me as something I could try and answer for the next half hour or so left of work today:

1. List five things you’d like to accomplish by the end of the year:This is actually quite tricky, as there are only 21 days left of the year. If I only had 21 days left to live (for some reason that question seems easier), I would want to 1) see all my family and tell them I love them, 2)write some quick “my life as it was” so at least there’d be something left of me afterwards, 3) go back to the states to visit the place of my birth, 4) go to iceland (it’d be quite cold there now, and they’d be having those 22-hour nights that I’m fascinated by) and 5)write my will, I guess!! As it is, I’ll probably just manage to do #1 before the end of the year.

2. List five people you’ve lost contact with that you’d like to hear from again: 1)Jim Simpson - he was such a damn good letter writer. Not the best flatmate, but a damn good person to write to. 2) Casey - I don’t even remember his last name! Someone I was friends with in kindegarten and then he moved to Arizona. I don’t remember much of him, but I have a letter he sent me after he moved. There is a picture of him standing next to an empty swimming pool. I wish I knew what happened to him. 3)Kelly Howsley - how did we lose contact? I don’t know how it happened but I wish I knew where she was! 4) Misty Mahuika - same for Misty! She came and visited me in NZ but moved so many times I have no idea where she wound up. In Las Vegas somewhere I think, at medical school! 5)Kira Person. I wonder what she wound up doing??

3. List five things you’d like to learn how to do: 1) make furniture (tables, etc.) 2) clay target shooting, 3) leather working - like sandals, etc., 3) read ancient greek, 4) proper jazz improv on piano and 5) re-learn my way around a darkroom (haven’t worked in a darkroom since I was 13!)

4. List five things you’d do if you won the lottery (no limit): Rather boring things, really. 1) retire!!! 2) buy a little cottage somewhere nice and warm and leafy, with a huge garden, 3) buy an apine hut somewhere nice and cold and frosty, near a huge mountain with good skiing, 4) get one of those philanthropic-type jobs where you get paid a ridiculously minute amount of money but it feels good, and 5) travel constantly.

5. List five things you do that help you relax: 1) Read, 2) listen to music, 3) write, 4)play computer games (sorry, I am a nerd!), & 5)drink. Nice and healthy there.

Being busy - and The Premiere!

Well, things have been pretty disjointed lately. Plus it’s really hard to believe that it’s December already. How did that happen? The first few weeks in December have a funny vibe to them. You’re looking forward to Christmas (and my birthday!) and everything just seems like a great big build up towards holidays and spending time with family, etc. It’s like you’re heading down a long slope, starting in January, and once you hit December you really feel as if you’re picking up speed. The end of December and the start of January are going to be really busy.

If you haven’t gathered already, I’ve got a visitor from Holland, plus christmas, my birthday, my mom’s birthday (plus grandma, countles cousins/aunts, etc.). Then there’s my sister’s wedding in early Jan, and my grandfather’s funeral a few weeks ago.

No wonder I couldn’t finish my NaNoWriMo. Did I mention that earlier? For all my going on about it, I couldn’t finish the damn thing this year either. I think events are conspiring against me - both this year and last year - to make sure I never finish one. Last year I was leaving Ireland, and had to pack, send stuff off, AND do my RELSA course. This year, well, you’ve already heard all about that. I still can’t believe he’s gone.

I’m also starting to get a bit panicky about the course I applied for. I’m due to hear if I get in “before christmas”. If I do get in, well, that’s that. If I don’t get in, though, I do need some kind of a plan. I guess the christmas/new year’s period is as good as any for making a plan for the new year.

Will I continue to live in Wellington? The course is really what I came here for. Will I go overseas again? Move somewhere else in New Zealand? Study something else at university? Do some kind of other study? Those are a lot of unanswered questions.

When I think about it, what I’d like is a part time job somewhere and a place of my own. Unfortunately, the two things don’t usually go hand-in-hand. At least not in large, interesting cities. Living in a large, interesting city usually requires full time work, just to support living there - unfortunately. I just feel that a part time job would provide the best balance for me between work and mental stimuation! Then again, I hate not having money. Such a dilemma!

****

Just back from town where I bought the latest Pavement mag (Viggo on cover) and also got the Flaming Lips’ “Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots”, which I have been meaning to get for a while now. Lovely! I went to the Asian Kitchen and had a Roti Chenai for lunch. Ate while reading Margaret Atwood’s “The Blind Assassin”, while “The Breeze”, the crappy Wellington easy listening radio station, played in the background. Now I’m stuffed. Also payed my cellphone bill and sent off letters/postcards at the postoffice. Put money into my credit card account. Now I’m broke again. That was my fun for the next two weeks!

Did I even mention the Lord of the Rings Premiere? It was really weird. Strange to be joining in a crowd of strangers to salute and cheer on a whole lot of other strangers. I’m excited about the movie, how even though it’s a major film by world standards, it still has a home-grown quality about it. But it was weird to see 100,000 people screaming and trying to get a glimpse and an autograph of people who were once just wandering around the city like everyone else. Put out a red carpet and some barriers and people will come running! It’s completely bizarre…